I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
