Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
