I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
