he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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