Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize