I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
