so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
