My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
