I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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