I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
