i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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