hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
