someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
3 2 1 whiskey
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
