i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
