Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
