how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
