I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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