Moan for me like Helen Keller
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have feelings that need drinking.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
