Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
