As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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