At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
