3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
