It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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