I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
