the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
