That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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