Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
