I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
