i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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