Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
