I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
