I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
