Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
