I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
