What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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