I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
