Is it normal to miss your booty call?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
