What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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