And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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