What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
birth control should be required to get into college
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
