Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize