You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
