Already got asked if we're dating
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
