I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize