my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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