Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
