Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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