marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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