you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
