i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
