It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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