Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
