there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
