the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
