At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
