this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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