3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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