why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize