So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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