the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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