Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
