his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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