Will you blow on my dice?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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