I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
