Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
