I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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