so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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