Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
