I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
