how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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