i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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