Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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