READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
