Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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