how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
