it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
