i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
