thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
