May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
