Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
