yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
