she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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