im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
