a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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